So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In other news, I just burned my penis
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
