using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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