At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize