If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
