I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
