Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize