i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
