As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
