Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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