the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize