Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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