Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
