My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
