ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have fence marks all over my body
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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