I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
time to smoke my breakfast
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
