This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
