I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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