Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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