I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
