he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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