I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
