i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
