your parents love me but you hate me
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
