I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
