I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize