why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
