are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
