allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize