Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
