Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
