Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize