I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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