Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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