why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
