you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
