Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
