He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
