im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to make out with him forever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
