i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize