Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
