i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
