I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
