So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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