so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
