Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
