he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
