Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
