we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
