I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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