So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
