So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
