so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
