how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize