I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
