Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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