I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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