I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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