I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
