I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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