WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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