is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize