that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've blown a few things in my day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
