Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
