Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
