You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
