That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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