genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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