When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
