Cold hands, warm shart.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
