There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
