we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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