I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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