I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize