So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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