saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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