Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
