god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ok first of all what the fuck
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize