Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
