Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
