Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
