weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Less talking, more tequila
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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