I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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