wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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