Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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