Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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