There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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