woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
