I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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