yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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