totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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