Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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