Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
