i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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