Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
