yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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