Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
id be glad to
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
