He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize