Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
