she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
